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Doctor Reacts to Triggering Medical Memes

— Join Dr. Mike as he looks at the best medical memes from across the internet

Last Updated December 3, 2021
MedpageToday

who goes by "Doctor Mike" on social media, is a board-certified family medicine physician at the Atlantic Health System's Overlook Medical Center in Summit, New Jersey.

In this video, Varshavski reviews medical memes, ranging in topics from back pain to Harry Potter.

Following is a partial transcript (note that errors are possible):

Varshavski: Get ready for fire memes ... Normal people, Instagram models. Yo, facts on facts on facts on facts. That's not healthy. The curves are there on your spine for a reason. When you over-accentuate them, you actually create a problem.

Iron deficiency ... Oh my God. I wouldn't say that's an iron-deficiency man. I would say this is like cachectic Iron Man. But I get the joke. I made it medical for no reason. Doctors always ruining jokes. High five -- 50% less bacteria than a handshake. Fist bump -- 78% less bacteria than a handshake. Sweep the leg -- 100% less bacteria than a handshake.

You think I'm going to agree with this? No, I'm not. What is my man touching there? The floor. Do you know how gross the floor is? Disgusting. Have you ever been to a hospital? The fluids, the bacteria, the viruses, the fungi, the protozoa ... do you even know what a protozoa is?

"Feeling great since my kidney transplant." My kidney transplant? The kid's knee transplant. I never get the ones with the knee. Dis-knee. Dasa-knee. "Dis-knee." Oh that's a knee!

"When it's your first day at the pediatric department." No lie! I may have done that. My attending, who was teaching me that day, was like, "Okay. We're going to start slow and I'm going to teach you the burrito roll," where they actually teach you how to burrito roll the baby into the blanket so the baby feels swaddled and comfortable.

That was a fun trick to learn because then I went into all the rooms in the morning. I was teaching the parents as if I really knew what I was doing.

"Wow, the covids out here are getting huge." Oh my God. When I was a kid, I would throw these at my friends all the time and get them to stick to their hoodies. I would get in trouble because the teachers would be like "Oh my God! You might hit an eye." They were right, but I was a bad kid.

"I like how when a doctor pulls some medicine into a syringe they squirt a little in the air for their fallen homies." Now, what we're doing is we're trying to get the air bubbles out. If you inject too much air into someone's bloodstream, you could actually get an air embolism, a huge problem. It can be lethal, but still we'd like to get it out and make sure that we're flush.

"Mitocorn ... Mitocorndriog." This is really great because mitochondria kind of does look like a corn dog. It also looks like a regular, just like hotdog.

"Skeleton Parts, Identified." Bones. If you were any bone in the human body, comment down below. I asked this on Twitter. I got weird responses.

"Medical Alphabet." This is what they teach us in med school by the way. Confuse the lawyers so they can't go after you. Because if they say that you didn't write something, you could just point to a scribble and be like, "What do you think this is?"

"Dr: I have your diagnosis.

Me: Make it quick, I don't have much time.

Dr: Who told you?"

That's sad. "How Coffee Works." Coffee, magic, energy. Oh my God. Am I going to really have to go into the nerdy explanation of why coffee works? I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to laugh at this meme.

"What a terrible gift. John Cena surprises 7-year-old boy with cancer on his birthday." What? Oh! The importance of grammar ... the importance of commas.

"Get Your Flu Shot! Now available in Pumpkin Spice!" If we want vaccine acceptance to go sky high, you throw that in a Gucci vial, you know influencers are coming up. Then when that gets old, you do the Gucci Supreme collab. Yo, that's going to be hot.

"It looks like she needs a crown." "I know, right?" "Yassssssss, Queen slay." That's funny. All my dentists out there, what's up?

"You want a box for those, sir?" "Nah, I hate violence. Is it cool if I just pay with my card?" Yo, I'll box for those. As some of you may know, I have been boxing lately. I have been getting some challengers coming my way, but I want more. If you want to box me, I'm like 195 pounds; 6 foot 3. You want to do it? HMU. Who says HMU? Boomer.

Sam: You're in rare form.

Varshavski: I'm in boomer form.

Sam: You're really dialing ...

Varshavski: "Doctor: Ur dad's not with us anymore"

Me: Damn

Doctor: He's at a different hospital.

Me: Oh ok

Doctor: Dead tho"

No, that's not what we do. This guy does not look like a real doctor because he has his shirt buttoned all the way up and he doesn't have a tie. I'm not sure what's going on there. "Doctor: You need surgery in this section. It's probably best to remove the whole spine."

Woman: Why?

Doctor: It's just holding you back.

No, you, kind of need the spine. It's supportive.

"Great hike. You lost 159 lbs." Oh what? Oh, the bear. Oh my God. Bear, would you ever do that? Bear is down here. He wouldn't do that.

Narrator: To Mike's dismay, it turned out that Bear was in fact not there.

Varshavski: "Would you like a drink?" "What are my options?" "Yes or no." This like sparked a memory when we were first coming to America and none of us spoke English. They were asking me if I'd like a drink and I didn't know what the questions meant. I was like, "Maybe?" The lady was so confused. My sister was like, "He wants a Coke." As a 6-year-old. I wasn't that wise.

"What inspired you to go into family medicine?" Oh, I'm excited to read the bottom. "Hello, I hate money and I love burnout." Excuse me, family medicine doctors can still make a great living, and we burn out. We do burn out.

"This machine turns stress into visible light." "I am the sun." Not all stress is bad stress. Overcoming short-term stress is positive because we learn from it and are prepared for the real world, which carries stress inherently within. What we don't like is chronic stress that serves no benefit and we learn to live with the stresses that we cannot control. Buddhist mentality. I don't know why I did this. I just wanted peace, sanctuary.

"I'm afraid there was a mix-up. I was supposed to amputate your left leg." Why is the doctor saying that? The doctor amputated their own left leg. Honestly, at this point, how burnt out we are, not surprising. I also like don't know why there are snakes coming out of that patient monitor.

"When ur chest starts hurting and u hit the spot where it's hurting and it stops." Helth. Helth. Helth. Helth. Helth. Hulth. Helth.

"Me working on notes. I can't keep doing this forever." Honestly, I relate to that like crazy. "It's been 20 seconds." "Call it." For some reason, when I started doing notes, I do one note, enjoying the dopamine rush so much that I pick up my phone and I'm like, "Forget these notes."

"When you look better in scrubs than you do in the clubs." Facts.

"Professional rappers: The guy who says the side effects of a medicine in an ad:" You ever hear the side effects, not an ad on TV, but an ad on the radio? It's literally like "the substantial side effects of lung cancer-containing carcinogens that are affecting your brainwaves are going to one time ..."

"Trying to be an adult and read a scientific paper and your wife does this ..." Harry Potter and ... that's funny, though.

"Chest compressions." "Chest compressions, chest compressions, chest compressions." What do you think about my shirt, though? You want it? You can get it. It's right there.

"48-hour protection." "My deodorant." "The doctor saying I have 24 hours left to live." Well, the deodorant is really going to give you the bang for the buck. The deodorant is going to give you a good bang for the buck. I don't know what they're trying to say here. I'm going to have some water.

is a board-certified family physician and social media influencer with more than 8.7 million subscribers.